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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26684944">Ned, you're a stupid bitch</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corporate_Blood/pseuds/Corporate_Blood'>Corporate_Blood</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Crack, Attempt at Humor, Crack, Crack Crossover, Drabble, Humour, I'm Bad At Tagging, Minor Swearing, Ned Stark Lives, Short One Shot, The Author Regrets Nothing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:29:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>412</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26684944</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corporate_Blood/pseuds/Corporate_Blood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This is Ned Stark from AGOT. He is about to tell the Queen that he knows about her incestuous affair and that her children are illegitimate, leading to his death. This fate could have been avoided if he had a Sassy Gay Friend.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Ned, you're a stupid bitch</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Yes, I went on a slight nostalgia trip and thought up this crossover, so here it is. Enjoy ^_^</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ned Stark was in his solar, once again poring over the ancient yellow pages of the heavy tome that sat upon his desk. His mind was made up, the proof more than damning. The silence was suddenly shattered when his door slammed open and a man ran in. Tomard was right behind him. </p><p> </p><p>“Apologies, my lord, I tried to stop him-” Tomard said before the stranger cut him off.</p><p>“What are you doing? What! What! What are you doing?” The man shouted, arm extended with his index finger pointing at Ned. His tone was not angry and his voice was higher pitched than Ned expected. He also wore very strange clothes. A thin peach coloured scarf was wrapped around his neck, a dark blue top with an odd patterning showed off his midriff slightly, his trousers hugged his legs tightly and were a lighter blue. All of the clothes were made from materials unfamiliar to Ned.</p><p> </p><p>“I have found proof of a dark plot,” Ned replied honestly.</p><p>“So you give the Queen, the person behind the plot, a heads up? Slow down, crazy, slow down.”</p><p>“The evidence is more than clear. All of her children are false stags, no true heir among them.”</p><p>“I know that and you know that but you have to think things through. If you go rushing in there, like I do when it’s black Friday, you are going to have some big regrets. However, instead of buying a blouse you never wear and a blender you didn’t need, you will be beheaded. Much worse, don’t you think?”</p><p> </p><p>This gave Ned a start. “Robert, the king, would never allow that.”</p><p>“Homegirl is crazy. What makes you think Bobby B won’t have a hunting ‘accident’?" He crossed his arms. "Look at your life, look at your choices.”</p><p>Ned took a moment to reflect, the unease in his mind coming to the forefront. “What...what should I do?”</p><p>“Get your men and your daughters on the first boat out of here. The waves will be choppy, and the saltwater will do your hair no favours, but you’ve got to leave now.”</p><p>“Alright alright.” He then commanded Tomard to gather the girls up for a hasty getaway. Tomard rushed off to do so. He hastily packed his own belongings before running off to his chambers. </p><p> </p><p>The man was left alone and sighed, shaking his head. “He’s a stupid bitch.” He threw his scarf over his shoulder and sashayed from the room.</p>
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